How to be Teetotal in the UK
Alcohol is everywhere in British culture.
I started to notice just how prevalent it is when I, a former regular drinker, quit alcohol completely a year ago this month.
And now I can’t unsee it, like the cultural equivalent of the arrow in the FedEx logo.
It’s recommended for birthdays, funerals, sports, work socials, first dates, anniversaries, weddings, break-ups. The cogs of most occasions are lubricated with booze, mostly because we (somehow) believe it helps the overall mechanism run better.
I’ve spent a year navigating lots of these occasions without the ‘benefit’ of alcohol, and so I know first-hand how necessary it is to equip yourself with a utility belt of tips to help adjust to life as a teetotaller. I’ve tried to write some of these down.
Before we start: This list isn’t for everyone. I’m not trying to convert casual, responsible drinkers nor judge those who can drink heavily without repercussion.
These tips have a specific target audience.
It’s for the type of person that often asks me, with hyperbole-covered earnestness:
‘How did you quit? I’d find it impossible but have always wanted to.’
These are people who, like me, have previously tried to limit their intake and drink responsibly, but regularly failed to maintain consistency. The kind that when they leave the door open to booze just a crack, eventually find a way to kick it off its hinges.
People who are fed up with guiltily stamping numbers on their own booze-soaked bingo card: Vomiting, fighting, arguing, blackouts, wasted days in bed, missed deadlines, general malaise and ill-health. Who feel like they would be better off without alcohol but find that either they don’t have the roadmap, or the motivation, to navigate the pitfall-laden path of sobriety in the UK.
So if you’re someone like that. Here are four tips that helped me:
- Don’t Make it a Discussion
Firstly, when it comes to the pre-planning stage of a night out, whether it’s WhatsApp, Facebook messenger or a good old fashioned phone call: Don’t say ahead of time that you’re not drinking.
Just agree a time and place and then when you’re there, get a soft drink and sit down. Most of the time people just want to see you, setting up a preamble about what you’re not going to do just frames the night as a disappointment before you even get it started.
Inevitably on the night out, you will have to tell people, confessional style, that you don’t drink. But don’t make it much of a discussion. I disagree with a lot of sober people who act annoyed at the mere query of you not drinking. I think it’s fair enough for friends and family that have been used to your previous behaviour to be surprised when you initially announce you have quit.
But it doesn’t have to go beyond a few sentences:
‘You not drinking?’
‘Nope.’
‘Why?’
‘Needed a break from it / wanted to improve my health / don’t want the hangover / on a temporary break .’
That really is the extent of how a conversation should go. If the person keeps probing and keeps digging with malicious intent, then its because there are probably unresolved problems in their own psyche. Just change the subject, because you’re not going to convince them of the merits of your decision.
But I can’t stress enough that somebody who continues to badger you and be weird about you not drinking is not worth the energy that a conversation with them demands, and arguably, is not a very good friend to begin with.
Extra tip: If out with a larger group, make it a habit of getting a drink when you first arrive. You can get a soft drink without justification, avoid getting stuck in rounds, and generally make the process easier for yourself.
2. Read about the Subject
There are tons of websites/podcasts/articles/documentaries that break down the issue and help provide context to your decision. Some that have helped me:
Drinkers Like Me — Adrian Chiles
A BBC documentary that delves into both sides of the drinking debate. It covers health, tradition and culture and is best understood through the uniquely British lens that it is filmed, created and set in. Was a real eye-opener for me in terms of how alcohol is the drug which is simultaneously the most problematic and most established in our culture.
Alcohol Explained — William Porter
This book is not frilly at all. It’s just 273 pages of plain English directly explaining why drinking is bad for you and why quitting is a good thing. It can get dry at times but it doesn’t mess about and doesn’t leave you wanting to dive back into drinking any time soon.
60 Celebrities that Don’t Drink Alcohol
This one might seem like an odd choice, but there are lots of listicles written about this subject, and I find them pretty inspiring. Fundamentally: There are a lot of very successful people on this list that openly admit that they wouldn’t have been successful had they not decided to quit alcohol.
This subreddit is fantastic. Every day there are new case studies from a cross-section of countries and cultures, all people attempting to be better by stopping drinking. The fact that you can read a story of a bottle-of-whisky-per-day drinker one thread and a student suffering after a bout of binge drinking in the next, can give you perspective on how to process your own problems.
Extra tip: When you’re watching a show that glamourises alcohol in some way, say Mad Men, actually try and drill down into what it is their showing, or the fact that, even if Don Draper looks dapper drinking his whisky, it’s actually 10 in the morning and he hasn’t been home all night and would stink of cigarette ash and stale liquor.
3. Accept your Social Life Won’t Be the Same
In the documentary above, Frank Skinner says that he has never replaced ‘the white heat of joy that you get from alcohol’ and that his social life hasn’t been the same since he cut it out of his life.
Me too.
I went on a stag-do earlier this year, and I had a distinctly different (worse) time than the lads I was with. Also compared to the previous stags and rugby tours I’d been on, it was nowhere near as fun for me. It doesn’t mean I had a bad time, but I would be lying if I said it was the same, or that in isolation, it was better.
Crucially, I made a calculation with myself when I decided to stop drinking. Would the next 30 years be net better or net worse if I never drink again? For me it was net better, so that means that there will be shittier times like stag dos, but that the good times should outweigh the bad ones. Just need to zoom out and examine the bigger picture every so often.
It’s worth asking yourself that question. I was discussing the 30-year question with a close friend of mine, and he categorically said that life would be net worse if he quit, and frankly, he is absolutely right. It just wouldn’t be for me.
Also, most of my social occasions have still been great, but if you’re used to a certain type of drunkenness, particularly the group recklessness associated with young lads, it probably won’t get there again.
Extra tip: Tough one to find a tip on, but honestly I’ve gone for a lot more dinners with my mates since quitting drinking. Always nice to have a reason to get food, which was often the afterthought of a night out rather than the focal point.
4. Make the Most of It
One of the most common benefits listed on quitting drinking is the saving of money. Which is definitely true, but, don’t just save the money. Money saved for saving's sake never felt like a full reward. Spend some of it.
Keep a running total of days that you’ve stayed sober, with markers and rewards for what you get when you pass a certain number. It helps give you something to aim for. Here is mine for inspiration:
But, arguably more important than money, is time (some would say they’re the same thing). I have gained a lot of time.
Mornings, afternoons, evenings. A eureka moment for me was when I met some mates to watch the rugby at lunchtime, an event which would have previously written off any productivity in the evening, and then found myself home at six with motivation, reunited with lost hours I hadn’t seen in years.
In the last 12 months, I have been able to rekindle my love with writing and finish a second book, get really into running, and also, most importantly, spent loads of time doing absolutely nothing but just not feeling like shit physically or mentally whilst doing absolutely nothing.
So, if you’ve chosen to be sober, don’t waste your hours reminiscing about what you used to do through rosé-coloured spectacles. Treat it like a break-up. Move on from it and get something new.
Extra tip: Try and enjoy the drinks you’re substituting. As a lager drinker, I got really into non-alcoholic beers. I’ve tried loads of different types. I got hampers as gifts, and whenever a new range is brought out I’ll make sure to try it. Most of them are average. But the ones that I recommend are Jupilers, Rothaus, & Lucky Saint. Have them super cold, in an even colder glass.
These are some things I’ve found that have helped me. They probably won’t be useful for everyone.
But quitting drinking, even in the UK, is really not as difficult as it appears. So much of the pressure you’re feeling to continue is imagined or generated from external sources.
I always put-off quitting because of events on the horizon that I thought were impossible to overcome without the assistance of alcohol. Circled dates in calendars that required, in my mind, a crutch to limp through.
Truthfully, I’d much rather deal with a social occasion sober, than the depression of a hangover the day after I was too pissed at one.
Which is why it’s funny that people worry about not being interesting when they’re sober. As someone who has spent a lot of time with drunk people over the last year, I promise you you’re a lot more interesting sober than pissed. You’ll find yourself bored more than boring once you quit drinking.
And bluntly, to conclude: People don’t care about you as much as you think. Everyone has their own shit going on and will adapt very quickly to your new life of not drinking if you just tell them that’s the way it is.
So if you want to try quitting because you think it will be better for you, give you more control over your intake, or help you get a long-deserved break, then please, don’t care about what anyone else says and just go for it.
Because the only person preventing you from doing it is you.
